Brother or Father
by wwe4everever
Summary: Sam and Dean try to come to terms with their relationship. Full and better summary inside. Wincest
1. Chapter 1

Summary

A/U Dean is seventeen and secretly dating his younger brother Sam. Sam is out and proud but Dean is still in the closet. Worried about what his father and others would think of him he lives a life he hates but what will happen when is becomes too much for him. Will he lose his little brother in more ways than one just to be a good son or will he face the fact that he's gay and in love with Sam and posibly lose a father too.

Sam

Growing up in this house was hard. With his mother dying when he was younger and being raised really by his brother because his father was never there is tough. In that time he's formed a bond with his brother that no one can or will understand. He was madly in love with his brother. Sam knew he was gay the moment he turned ten. He looked at his brother in ways he shouldn't and at first it scared him because he didn't know how to deal with it.

Dean

Dean's always had a problem expressing his feelings when it came to Sam. Yes, he loved Sam more than anything but it scared the hell out of him knowing his father would kill him if he ever found out. Dean knew he was gay when he turned eleven but he knew he was gay for his brother when he turned fourteen. Dean was always a good son and always did what he was told.

Grandmount High school

Sam walks the halls knowing that every eye was on him. Even though he was a major nerd he was hot and everyone wanted him but he didn't want anyone but Dean. He knew it upset Dean when other people looked at him but even more with guys. He loved a jealous Dean and that's what he got often. He was walking to his locker when he spotted Dean down the halls. He was leaning against the locker with one hand and whispering in a girl's ear that was in front of him. Sam watched as the girl giggled and blushed while a deep shade of red and it pissed Sam off. He watched them until the girl walked off and when he locked eyes with Dean he turned and walked off.

Dean ran after him and grabbed his arm. "Hey Sammy."

Sam turned to Dean. "Hey Dean."

Dean stuck his hands in his jeans. "Are you okay?"

Sam shrugged "Yeah, why wouldn't I be?"

Dean shook his head. "Well you looked like you wanted to kill me just now."

Sam chuckled "Well I'm fine so bye." He turned to leave.

Dean grabbed his arm. "Sam wait."

"What?" Sam snapped.

Dean looked around and let go of Sam's arm. "Can we go somewhere and talk?"

"Why can't we talk here I mean everyone knows we're brothers." Sam said.

Dean shook his head. "Because I don't want them to see what I'm about to do."

Sam shook his head. "Is that all you care about Dean?"

Dean sighed "Sam?"

"You don't even care about me?" Sam said.

"Sammy you know that I love you." Dean said

Sam just shook his head. "Just leave me alone Dean. Why don't you go talk to your little girlfriend?"

"Sam she's not my girlfriend!" Dean snapped then quickly lowered his voice. "Can we just talk about this?"

Sam shook his head. "I don't want to talk to you Dean." He turned and walked off.

"Sammy!" Dean called after him but he kept walking.

When Dean got home that night he went up to his brother's room. Knocking on the door he pushed it open. "Sammy?" He walked into the room and saw Sam sitting on the bed with a book in his hands. He also saw headphones in his ears. He walked up to the bed and hit Sam on the foot.

Sam looked up and saw Dean. He sighed, put down his book and pulled out his head phones. "When did you get here?"

Dean looked down "Just now, Mark dropped me off."

Sam nodded "What do you want?"

"What the hell is your problem Sam?" Dean yelled.

"I'm tired of hiding Dean." Sam yelled "I love you and you love me so why are we hiding?"

"Will you lower your voice?" Dean said.

Sam smiled "Dad's not even here!"

Dean sighed. "Sam?"

Sam started to put the head phones back in his ears. "Just leave me alone."

Dean stopped by grabbing his arm. "I'm not going anywhere until you talk to me."

Sam lowered his hands. "How would you feel if you saw me talking to another boy? You're so busying trying not to disappoint dad then focusing on us. We've been together for a long time and I want you Dean, all of you."

Dean took Sam's hand and used his other one to wrap his fingers around the necklace that he gave Sam. "You have all of me."

"No I don't." Sam pulled his hands away from Dean. "And until you make up your mind about what you want-"

"Dean! Sam!" John called out.

"Shit." Dean said getting up but as he was getting up he pulled the necklace off of his neck and it fell on the ground. "Yeah dad!"

"Come down here!" John yelled.

"Okay!" Dean looked at Sam who was still sitting on the bed. "Sammy-"

"Just leave me alone Dean." Sam got off the bed and made his way downstairs.

Dean watched him go then looked on the ground. He picked up the necklace, put it in his pocket and left the room.

The next day

6:23 in the morning Sam woke. He got up and wiped his face with his hands. He didn't want to go anywhere and he just wanted to stay in his bed all day but he knew that his father would kill him. He got up from the bed and made his way to the bathroom. After taking a quick shower he made his way downstairs in just his boxers. He went over to the fridge and grabbed the milk. Grabbing a bowl and a box of cereal he sat at the table and made his breakfast. Halfway through his breakfast he heard the floor board creek. His father was already gone so there was only one other person it would be. "Dean you don't have to just stand there."

Dean walked further into the kitchen and sat across from Sam. "Morning Sammy."

Sam smiled "What's so good about this morning?"

Dean sighed "Are you still mad at me?"

Sam shook his head. "No I'm not but that doesn't mean that I want to go on the way we did. I meant what I said Dean, I'm done."

"After everything we went through you're just going to give up on me?" Dean said reaching out to Dean.

Sam moved his hands and got up. "I'm not the one who gave up on us Dean." He placed his bowl in the sink and walked out of the kitchen.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
Sam and Dean rode to school in silence. There was no music playing and they weren't talking. Sam was looking out the window thinking about his brother. When they pulled into the school parking lot Sam bolted from the car.

Dean sighed and turned the car off. He got out and made his way into the school.

Halfway through school Dean was tired. Not only was all the girls in his face Sam completely ignored him. After getting his book out of his locker he made his way through his next class. He stopped when he saw Sam with another boy at his locker.

Sam POV

Sam had no idea why this guy was talking to him. He was a little taller than he was and hot but not hotter than Dean. No one was. "I don't mean to be rude but why are you talking to me?"

He smiled "What do you mean, you're hot."

Sam blushed and looked down. "Is that it?"

The guy shook his head. "No, you're smart, funny and I know that I can trust you."

Sam looked up "How do you know all that just by looking at me."

He shrugged "Because I just do." He cleared his throat. "I was wondering if you would like to hang out after school. Maybe grab a bite to eat or something?"

"Um I don't know." Sam said smiling.

"What, do you have a boyfriend or something?" He asked laughing.

Sam shook his head. "No, as a matter of fact I don't have one."

"Then go out with me. I promise you that you will have a good time." He held out his hand. "My name is Alex."

Sam blushed and took his hand. "I'm Sam and I'd love to go out with you."

Alex nodded "Good well than why don't you just catch a ride with me and I'll drop you off home. Then we can go if that's okay with you."

Sam nodded "Yeah I'll meet you after school.

Alex nodded "Cool, well bye."

Sam watched him walk off then turned back and came face to face with Dean. Quickly looking away from him he walked the other way.

Dean just watched him go.

After school

Sam was sitting on the school steps waiting for Alex when Dean showed up. "Hey Dean."

"Hey Sammy are you ready to go?" Dean asked.

Sam looked down "Um I'm going out with Alex and he said he'll drop me off home. I'm actually meeting him right now. You can go ahead and go home though. I'll be fine."

Dean just stood there. "Alex huh, so you really meant what you said?"

Sam closed his eyes. "Yes I did and who knows maybe Alex and I will really hit it off."

Dean nodded. "Well i hope you have fun with him." He turned and walked off.

Sam opened his eyes and tried to resist the urge to go after his brother and Ex-Lover. A little while later Alex pulled up in his big truck.

"Hey Sammy are you ready to go?" Alex said.

Sam smiled and nodded "Yeah."

That night

When Sam got home he went right up to his room and closed the door behind him. He dropped his bagg on the ground and went over to his computer and after logging on there was a knock at his door. He didn't see his dad's truck in the driveway so there was only one person it could be. He got up and opened his door to come face to face with Dean. "Hey Dean." Sam said trying to sound normal.

Dean faked a smile. "Hey Sammy um I heard you come in."

Sam nodded and waked back over to his computer. "Oh, is there something that you wanted?"

Dean walked into the room and sat on the bed. "Yeah I wanted to talk to you about that kid Alex."

Sam stopped typing and turned to his brother. "What about him?"

Dean sighed "I just don't think he's right for you."

Sam smiled "And you think that you are?"

Dean looked down. "I don't know but I know that I'm better for you than him."

Sam looked down "He's out Dean, to his family, his friends and that's what I want."

Dean looked back up at his brother. "But you said that you loved me."

"And I do I'm just tired of hiding. I want to be with someone who loves me and isn't afraid to tell others how he feels. I want someone to hold me and kiss me just like any other straight ouple would do. I want to be with someone who isn't ashamed of being gay and that's not you Dean." Sam started playing with the hem of his shirt. "I'm not saying that I don't love you because I love you more than anything and nothing is going to change that. What I'm saying is that maybe we should just go back to being brothers."

Dean groaned and stood up. "After everytihng we've been through you think we can go back to being brothers. Brothers don't kiss, touch and make love that way we do and I can't just go back to the way it was. I love you Sammy and I want to be with you I'm just scared."

Sam got up "Why are you so worried about what others will think of you, what dad will think of you. He donesn't run your life Dean. You're free to love anyone you want."

"He's the only family we've got Sam." Dean said softly. "I remember what it was like for you when you came out to him."

Sam nodded "You mean the time you promised me that we would do it together but I ended up doing it on my own."

Dean sat back on the bed. "I'm the oldest so what would it look like if I told him that I was in love with my little brother. I'm suppose to protect you and do nothing but be your brother."

Sam walked over to Dean. "You do protect me Dean. In ways you don't even know but you can't help who you fall in love with and I fell in love with you. There's nothing wrong with that."

"You're so wrong Sammy. One being gay is a sin and I pretty sure that it's even worse when you're sleeping with your blood brother." Dean said looking away from Sam.

Sam sighed and walked away from Dean. "Then why are you even in here?"

Dean was silent for a minute. "Are you really going to start dating him?"

"I don't know, maybe." Sam said.

Dean nodded. Silent tears fell from his eyes. He got up and headed for the door. "Okay." He left without another word.

Sam watched the doorway and a big part of him was screaming for him to come back. Screaming for him to go after his brother but it was like his feet were glued to the ground so he just stood there.

A/N Hoped that you've enjoyed this chapter and the next one will be up soon.


	2. Chapter 2

**Flashback **

"Are you sure about this Sammy?" Dean said looking down at his brother.

Sam sat up "Dean we've been hiding our relationship from dad for to long now. You said we will tell him."

"Yeah but not now." Dean said "I don't think I'm ready to come out to him and I'm defiantly not ready to tell him that I'm sleeping with my little brother."

Sam got off the bed. "Dean we've been over this a million times. You even said so yourself that you want to come clean."

Dean moved over to the edge of the bed "Yeah but now I'm not so sure. If I tell dad I'm gay and in love with you I'll lose him."

"And if you don't you'll lose me, either way I'm telling dad." Sam walked to the door.

Dean jumped up and grabbed his arm. "Are you crazy?"

Sam pulled his arm away. "No, now are you going to do this with me like you promised or not."

Dean just shook his head "I can't Sammy."

Sam looked down "Then neither can I." He left his brothers room and went to his own.

A few hours later they were sitting at the dinner table.

Sam and Dean played with their food while John watched them both closely. "What's going on with you two?" He asked.

Dean cleared his throat. "Nothing."

"Actually dad I need to tell you something." Sam said.

Dean's head shot up. "Sammy not now."

John looked at them both. "Okay I want to know what's going on right now."

"Sam please don't" Dean pleaded.

Sam looked at John. "Dad I'm gay and in love with someone."

John stared at his younger son. "You're what?"

"I'm gay dad." Sam said again.

John looked at Dean "And you knew about this?"

Dean looked at Sam. "Yes sir I did."

Sam refused to look at Dean. "Dad?"

John shook his head. "No, you're not gay."

Sam sighed "I am."

"No!" John stood up. "You're just confused and you don't know how you feel. You're not gay son you can't be."

"It's true dad." Sam said getting up.

"Get out of my house." John snapped. "I don't care where you go I just can't look at you right now."

Sam stepped back "Dad?"

"Get out!" He yelled knocking over a plate.

Sam ran upstairs

Dean got up "Dad he has nowhere to go."

"I don't care." John said.

"I do, gay or not he's my brother and if he goes I'm going with him." Dean ran upstairs after his brother. When he got to Sam's room he was packing his stuff. "Sam stop."

"You heard dad Dean." He said.

Dean walked up to Sam and grabbed his arm. "I'm not letting you leave Sam."

"Dean let me go!" Sam yelled.

"No!" Dean pulled Sam into a hug. "I'm not going to let you go Sammy."

Sam dropped his bag and wrapped his arms around Dean's waist. "He hates me."

"No" Dean said "He's just shocked but he'll come around. You just can't leave me Sammy. I'm so sorry for this but please don't leave me. I don't know what I'd do with out you."

Sam was about to say something but he looked up and saw his father standing in the doorway. He pulled away from Dean and picked up his bags. "I'm leaving now."

John sighed "You can stay." He said silently.

"What?" Sam said.

"You two should get some sleep, you have school tomorrow." Without another word John left the room and went downstairs. He grabbed his keys and left the house."

Dean looked over at Sam. "Please don't go Sammy."

Sam looked at Dean and even though he was mad at him he hated to see him life this. He walked over to him and kissed him on the lips. "I'm not going to leave you Dean."

Dean sighed "I promise I'll tell him soon I'm just-"

"Shhhhh" Sam placed a finger on Dean's lips. "It's okay Dean." He rested his forehead against Dean's. "It's all going to be okay, right?"

Dean nodded "Yeah I promise."

**End of flashback**

A few days later

Dean was jogged out of his thoughts when the teacher called his name. "Sorry."

Mr. Clarkson walked up to Dean. "Is everything ok Dean?"

Dean wiped his face. "Yeah um I just…can I use the restroom?"

Mr. Clarkson sighed "Yeah go ahead."

Dean smiled "Thank you." He got the pass and left the classroom. Instead of going to the bathroom he wondered around the halls thinking about his brother and ex-lover. He stopped by a row of lockers and leant against them. He was so lost as to what to do. He loved his brother with all his heard but he also loved his father. Either he betray his father's trust or lose his brother to another boy. He slid down the lockers pulled his knees up to his chest and dropped his head down. He always hated the fact that the only person that could make him feel like this was his brother Sam.

Sam was walking down the halls when he saw his brother. Not bothering to check the halls he ran over to him. "Dean?" He knelt down in front of him and placed a hand on his head. "Hey?"

Dean looked up at his brother. "Hey Sammy."

Sam saw that his brother was crying. He got to his feet and pulled Dean with him. They went to an empty classroom and Sam sat across from Dean. "What's going on Dean?"

Dean shook his head and smiled. "Nothing."

Sam frowned "Come on Dean I know when you're lying to me."

Dean dropped his head again. "You're still seeing Alex and I can't stop thinking about you."

Sam sighed "Dean?"

Dean got up "God I'm such a punk. I can't even stand up for the brother I love. Sammy you don't know how much I want to tell the world that I love you."

Sam got up "You're my big brother Dean and a lot of people look up to you. I know how hand it must be to live a life you don't want. Dad is our only family and it would kill him if he found out about us. I know that's what you're worried about. How dad will react to you coming out. Dad counts on you for everything and I know how much you love for dad to say I'm proud of you son."

Dean leaned back against a desk. "I know how much you want to be with someone who's not scared. I'm not ashamed of you Sammy I'm just scared as hell of what might happen if I do. All I want to do is love you Sammy but I'm so scared."

Sam walked up to Dean. "Dean look at me." Dean looks at Sammy. "I'm not going anywhere I'll wait for you because you're the only one I want to be with."

"But what about Alex." Dean said.

"I'll stop seeing him if you stop seeing other girls." Sam said looking Dean in the eyes.

Dean smiled "I promise Sammy."

Sam gave into his heart and kissed his brother. The same burning fire that erupted in his chest whenever they kissed. His arms went around Dean's waist pulled him closer to him. Dean's hand slid under Sam's shirt feeling over his bare chest. Dean moved to Sam's neck, kissing and nibbling.

Sam smiled and pulled back. "As much as I want to we're not about to have sex in an empty classroom for someone to walk in and see us."

Dean nodded "I really do love you Sammy."

"I know" Sam said "And I love you too but I don't want to start this up again until we're both ready."

Dean sighed "As much as I hate it I understand and I'll try to keep my hands off of you."

Sam chuckled "Come on we have to get back to class."

After school

Sam was waiting by Dean's impala when Alex's truck pulled up in front of him. "Hey Alex." He said smiling.

Alex got out of the car. "Hey Sam I'm glad I caught you. I was wondering if you wanted to hang out."

Sam frowned "Oh um actually I need to talk to you about something."

"Shoot" Alex said.

"I don't think we should see eachother anymore. I really consider you as a friend but nothing more." Sam said.

Alex looked down. "Are you serious?"

Sam nodded "Yeah I'm sorry." He was about to walk off but Alex grabbed him by the arm.

"Let's get something straight here. I'm not going anywhere and neither are you. I like you and I want to go out with you. So I'll pick you up at six or you'll regret it in the future. Do you understand me?" Alex said.

"Let me go." Sam shrieked.

Alex yanked Sam onto his knees."I said do you understand me?"

Sam nodded "Yeah I understand you."

Alex let go of Sam and backed off. "Make sure you wear something nice." He got in his car and drove off.

Dean was walking toward his car when he saw a truck pull off and his brother on the ground. He ran up to him. "Sammy what happened?"

Sam got up "I'll tell you when we get home."

They both got in the car and drove off.

**A/N please leave a review**


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